


A Chair Apart

by ajw012636



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Lots of internal struggles, M/M, Pushing for Realistic, Slow Burn, Tryna Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25917970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajw012636/pseuds/ajw012636
Summary: Kyomo & Hokuto are the latest topic on a rare Storadi episode + what really happened/could-have happened.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 33
Kudos: 46





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is turning out to be one mystery Storadi we're filming…”
> 
> 2/3 SixTONES attempt a Storadi with a serious and semi-mysterious topic over 2 absent members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt. Not really used to this. Hours spent on YT and reading Soc Med AUs have finally pushed me off the brink and into this blind freefall. 
> 
> For this Prologue, I wanted to open the curtains with my favorite gang minus 2. I got excited at the idea of them setting the stage and the rest of the scenes to be unfold. Tried to make it semi-realistic. I just love the idea of making it relatable. 
> 
> Please feel free to comment or whatevah! 
> 
> Might have irregular updates. See you~

**October 5, 2020 | Monday | 3:38 PM**

**_“This is turning out to be one mystery Storadi we're filming…”_ **

Jesse came inside the recording booth and took a seat beside Shin who was checking his phone quickly before hiding it in his pocket. Across them, Kouchi was checking the program outline for this week's Storadi and Juri was waiting for the cue of the staff to start filming. It was clear that they were scattered and definitely not ready to start clean for any of their YouTube videos.

"Okay, guys. We're ready to start," Juri nodded, held up his hands and nodded to the group. No one gave any indication that they heard nor did they look at him.

"On one, two, three... Hello, we're SixTONES!"

It was a mash of Jesse's trademark memeable face, Shin's overly excited grin, and Kouchi nodding excessively with Juri on close up, his forehead almost bumping on the camera he's holding.

"We're just 2/3 SixTONES today since Hokuto and Kyomo are at an interview today," Juri said while looking at the group.

"We usually don't do this," Kouchi replied. He crossed his arms and titled his head. Shin nodded in agreement.

"Well, we've always done things with all 6 of us so this is a different kind of Storadi we're having."

Jesse shot his hand up quickly and stood up. "Yieah! And since Hokuto and Kyomo are not here, we can start talking about them without them knowing. Nyahahahahaha!"

"Well, we did do something like that in our last Storadi. Though the pair was just in the booth in front of us," Juri chuckled.

"It makes it more exciting if the people are not here so we can talk freely," Jesse said, his expression showing complete satisfaction at the idea.

"I think it could be a punishment game for Hokuto and Kyomo who couldn't join us today because they went with their interview today," Juri smiled.

"Let's just not mention we did this and surprise them. It's very SixTONES of us," Shin peeked from Jesse's shoulder.

"No, you're just bullies," Kouchi deadpanned. Everyone laughed at him, calling him bitter for being the bullied one most of the time.

Juri started to solicit topics from the group about what they should talk about. There were a lot of crazy questions from Kyomo's top bizarre remarks to ranking Hokuto's trousers from nay to yay. In the end, they settled with a serious topic.

"Surprisingly, we jumped on a very serious topic," Jesse said. Kouchi rolled his eyes thinking that he brought this upon everyone there's no way for Jesse to work around past this with a gag.

"Well, this could be a service for the general public," Juri replied, giving a thumbs up. "Lots of people have been asking and speculating what's up with those two. We’ve had the face-to-face video back in our Junior Channel. So let's talk about instances where Hokuto and Kyomo directly interacted. Yay!"

Kouchi leaned forward and mock whispered, "I don't think they even had direct interaction. It's usually me who's with Kyomo, you know?"

Shin peeked at Jesse's shoulder again and replied, "True, but I did see them together after work once!"

"Ehhhhh?"

Kouchi, Jesse, and Juri were surprised. They urged Shin to explain and Shin just nudged Jesse backwards since his big build has been blocking off his view.

"It was I think 2 months ago? I saw them in front of the building. They had their heads close together and whispering."

"This is as juicy as it gets!" Jesse laughed loudly.

"Are you even sure it's them?" Kouchi wanted to make sure since he couldn't remember when it could have happened.

"Yeah, it was them. Jesse and Kouchi left early and Juri and I were left at the dressing room. But Juri left soon afterwards since he had to meet someone that day at a yakiniku restaurant..."

"Ah, I remember! I was meeting Fuma for dinner that day. It was late August. I remember now," Juri replied.

"So there. It was when Juri left that I saw them when I packed up for the day. I hid behind a pillar because it was getting awkward."

Jesse slapped Shin's shoulder which surprised him. "Why'd you go shy at that moment, man?"

"..."

The pregnant silence made Shin squirm. Juri raised his eyebrow, urging him to speak.

"I think it was a moment I wasn't supposed to see, is all," Shin replied sighing.

Jesse stood up and wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his arms furiously.

"Ahhh, this is so serious. Why are we talking about this?"

"You asked for this," Kouchi said, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

"Ah, but that's something you do rarely see. I mean, they never were left alone in the same room together. The last time that happened was during our previous Shokura performance. Also late August, by the way," Juri said. The tension in the room was getting heavy and he tried to diffuse it by being calm – keep the flow going. There was hesitation to go through with this topic but they had no choice.

"Hmm... I do remember Kyomo messaging me nonstop about it," Kouchi replied and started up at the ceiling. He remembered the panicked messages that time. It was cute, he thought. But thinking about it now, what was up with Kyomo that day, he thought. The messages were not his usual.

"Okay, guys. I have something to share. This is something I didn't bother mentioning but two weeks ago, Taiga came rushing inside the dressing room after rehearsals," Jesse said uncharacteristically, sitting still on his seat.

"What about it then?" Kouchi looked pointedly at Jesse, asking him to continue. The members were really struggling with this topic and everyone's stilted with their speech. The staff were also engrossed as well behind the scene, the booth eerily quiet.

"Well, I asked what was up because he looked like he'd seen a ghost so I went out in the hallway to check or something. And well ..."

"Well?"

Juri by now has forgotten his role as MC. Kouchi and Shin were seconds away from shaking Jesse to speak up faster. Jesse looked like he’d eaten a fly.

"Well, I went and stepped out into the hallway – at the end of the hall was Hokuto. I mean, man, we stared at each other for a few seconds and he had this look I can't explain. He turned his back on me quickly and stepped out of the building. I just pretended that nothing happened."

Juri raised his hand to get the group's attention.

"Am I the only one who didn't see anything? And this is from me who’s with Hokuto most of the time for work stuff."

"Maybe you noticed something off with Hokuto lately?" Shin was surprisingly calm with the turnout of events for this Storadi. 8 minutes have passed, not one gag has been executed nor any signature SixTONES nonsense talk. YouTube viewers would be surprised if this would be uploaded this week.

"Well, there was one time that he asked me if there's a good ramen restaurant nearby. He doesn't usually go for ramen. It's unagi most of the time and cafés."

The unanimous nods confirmed that it's a slightly unusual Hokuto behavior.

"Guys, this is turning out to be one mystery Storadi we're filming," Kouchi said.

"This looks like a job for Conan," Shin replied sagely. A poor attempt at making things light.

"I think Kindaichi could solve this case better than Conan, everyone. Or maybe Mr. Zudon," Jesse said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What does this have to do with Mr. Zudon?" Kouchi was clearly having none of this nonsense with Jesse.

"Okay, okay! We're getting off topic here. Everyone who's watching this, we'll take this time to play one of our songs. Here's  _ love u... _ "

Juri tried to balance it out once more and signaled the cue to play their song. With the opening instrumentals to their song, everyone got to calm down and center themselves. It was a weird Storadi this week and he can't really imagine what this would look like on YouTube. But then again, maybe Hokuto and Kyomo would show interesting expressions if they reveal this so that's something to look forward to. Maybe have more answers too, he thought.


	2. Thin Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's always been like this."
> 
> Shin said he saw Kyomo and Hokuto at the lobby late August. What really went on between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picking up from the mystery set by 2/3 SixTONES, I really wanted to pull off that "what really happened" vibes for this story. But something that's not known to the members. I wanted to show something intimate that only the two of them know. And of course, you who is reading this. 
> 
> Updated this week, surprisingly. Hehehe
> 
> Leave me a comment or whatevah and big thanks for sticking around.

**August 11, 2020 | Tuesday | 10:35 PM**

**“** **_It’s always been like this.”_ **

Hokuto really wanted to go home. It’s been a long day and his muscles are sore from rehearsals. He’s already outlined the things he’d do once he got home – he smiled inwardly at how gung-ho he is about the prospect. 

_I want to use the new lavender salts I bought the other day_ , he thought. He really invested in salts and bath milks lately as if taking a bath is similar to throwing in some complementary condiments to make the dish – him being the dish, as crazy as it sounds – extra flavorful. It really has been a long day if he’s veered towards this outrageous line of thinking. 

Carrying his gym bag in one hand and shouldering his canvas bag, he said his goodbyes to Juri and Shin who are still lounging in the dressing room. Kouchi and Jesse left early since they had to check out a restaurant which was without a doubt a Jesse idea with Kouchi being dragged along effortlessly. 

“Take care going home, you guys,” he called out. The pair waved goodbye as he left the room. 

When he neared the lobby of the building, he saw Kyomoto standing outside. As he walked towards him he saw that his nose was pinkish from the cold. _How long has he been standing there?_

“Hey, Kyomoto,” he called out. Kyomoto’s shoulder jerked and he turned around slowly. 

“Oh, hey. Good work today,” Kyomoto bowed slightly. _As refined as ever._

 _Well, this is awkward._ Hokuto couldn’t think of something else to say – his tired mind running on a last overthinking sprint. There were options, but no chosen answer: a) ask if he’s waiting for someone, b) ask if there’s something wrong or c) ask if there’s something interesting out in the dark street. Honestly, he didn’t look forward to talking to him and was just contemplating on leaving him be but there was something with Kyomoto today that made him rethink everything in a span of milliseconds.

 _It’s always been like this_. Hokuto has always felt the air thick around Kyomoto – he would unconsciously hold his breath and feel intense frustration at why he felt like this. That’s why every chance he gets, he would never sit beside him or draw close to him. Kouchi and Shin were the walls that kept things safe for them. But they were alone with no one to partition this growing awkwardness. 

Kyomoto didn’t wait for his response and stood silently, clearly ignoring Hokuto. With niceties done, he was doing Hokuto a small mercy of asking him to leave first.

Blame it on being tired, but Hokuto couldn’t imagine just leaving without saying anything proper. So choosing option B, he blurted out his question before he swallowed his tongue. His question jogged Kyomoto back to awareness that Hokuto was still beside him. 

“Um...is there something wrong?” 

Kyomoto looked at him, eyes wide in recognition and hesitation. _He doesn’t want to talk to you. That’s why you should have left him alone,_ Hokuto scolded himself inwardly, stomach knotting. 

“…There’s nothing wrong. I think. It’s just…” His voice was softer than a whisper, his words carelessly being blown away by the freezing cold. 

“Just…” Hokuto boldly drew near to hear Kyomoto to hear better, their foreheads almost touching. 

“I…I just feel so lost these past few days. I feel like my younger self and it’s not supposed to be this way because I’m an adult and…sorry. I don’t know why I’m saying this…,” Kyomoto said quietly, eyes looking up at Hokuto so intensely that the latter stepped back a bit. “…Especially to someone like you.”

 _Someone like you. What does he mean by that?_ In their rare interactions, this moment has been the longest and most painful. He felt like running away. 

Hiding his nervousness, he replied, “I’m just me…okay, that sounded wrong. But I’m just…myself. A-and if you think you need to let your feelings out, I can stand and…I don’t know. Uh, be an emotional punching bag to accept your blows.” _I stuttered just now. What a mess._

“That’s a weird way to put it,” Kyomoto chuckled bitterly. 

“You know what, I can just leave. Just…be careful on your way home,” Hokuto sighed to exhale the tension from his body. It was a poor attempt at conversation, but it’s a small victory of being brave to talk to Kyomoto whom he’s never been comfortable with for a long time. 

_But back then, it was different._

Hokuto walked past Kyomoto and down the steps when he heard his name being called. 

“Hokuto, wait.” 

He looked back and stared at how solitary Kyomoto looked. Under the stark light of the front steps, he looked so pale and small. His lips tilted to a small smile, apologetic, and forced. It strangely endeared him. 

“What is it?” 

“Well, I could use an emotional punching bag. I’d like to sleep at peace with all this out of the way,” he said tapping the side of his head.

“Then…would you like to go somewhere warm? Your nose is turning from pink to red from the cold,” Hokuto replied. It was a development he was not expecting. 8 years ago he would never have imagined that they will face each other like this. 

In the simple interactions most people take for granted, it has always been hard for them. It is a feat to conquer. It is a mission impossible. And yet, here they are. 

Kyomoto went down the steps, stood beside Hokuto and started to walk towards the direction of the train station. Hokuto easily matched his stride. The cold was making it harder for Hokuto to breathe and he tried to shake off his uneasiness. It was quite a long walk to the train station. The streets are empty and the path before them was straight – white from the naked streetlights. It’s as if they were the only people in this small corner of the world.

“You know, it’s been on my mind to leave Johnny’s,” Kyomoto said after a few moments of silence. 

White noise. A single pair of footsteps continued to walk down the street. 

_What did he just say?_


	3. Hand Span's Gap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can never get used to you looking at me like that.”
> 
> Kyomo is trapped at his own decision to take up Hokuto's offer just so he can sort his burdened feelings. True feelings are subdued and veiled on this cold night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually update every Saturday but lack of sleep and overwhelming SZ & SixTONES development on Twitter (with YT binge on the side) kept me preoccupied. Days feel shorter when you are having fun. HUHUHU 
> 
> For this chapter, Kyomo takes the reigns and I wanted both of them to loosen up with the setting a perfect avenue to finally bridge the gap. But will they even? 
> 
> Please feel free to comment or whatevah! Next week is a dream with 6T performing love u... (I featured it here because it's my bias coupling song hehehe)

**August 11, 2020 | Tuesday | 10: 55 PM**

**_“I can never get used to you looking at me like that.”_ **

Kyomo didn’t know how it happened but he’s now walking towards the train station with Hokuto. On this mysterious night, he could summarize this whole event with 3 scenes: 1) when he mistakenly replied when Hokuto called out to him, 2) when he started to talk nonsense about all his messy feelings, and 3) when he boldly asked Hokuto to be an emotional punching bag – however strange that sounds.  _ I’ll file this day on the inner part of my mind where dangerous memories are kept.  _

He was going to weather this. Hokuto walking beside him – stiff and silent as usual. He could tolerate that. They’ve never been alone for this long. More so that it’s after work. But here they are. 

Conversations start when one person begins and the other person replies. Being so bad at starting conversations especially with Hokuto, he just went upfront and said what he really thought right at this moment. It doesn’t matter how abrupt it was executed, it was a wing-it situation.

“You know, it’s been on my mind to leave Johnny’s,” he said with concealed casualness.  _ I said it! I think I’ve accomplished throwing out that punch. My chest feels worse than ever though. But…at least I voiced it out. That’s what matters, right? _

He continued to walk, trying to think what else to say. Or maybe just keeping quiet and going their separate ways once they get to the train station. Or maybe change the topic all together. But he stopped walking because he felt the sense of being alone. He looked back and saw Hokuto standing a foot from him, staring hard. 

“What?”

_ I can never get used to you looking at me like that _ , he thought. Hokuto has always been a solid presence. Someone who can stand alone without losing himself. Someone who looks at you with too much consideration, too much intensity as if you’re stripped naked, exposed raw.  _ Don’t look at me like that. _

“Why?” Hokuto said it so low he could barely hear it. 

“Huh? Come again?”

“I said why? Why’re you having thoughts of leaving Johnny’s?” 

In the middle of the street, they looked like two people waiting on who will break first, give in, and bolt from all of this. Kyomo swallowed hard and tried to collect all of his feelings and lay it all down. He is never one to share something so private but it’s Hokuto who’s with him now to accept all this.  _ I don’t want it to be him. I don’t. But I also don’t want to sleep tonight with this on my mind. I feel like I’ll never wake up from this. _

A deep breath, and a leap. “I feel frustrated with myself, okay? For how poor I am at doing the things I love,” he said his voice breaking. 

“What made you say that?” He asked, the distance between them magnified. 

“I…I just can’t seem to get things…across, you know?” 

“I don’t.” 

That stung.  _ He doesn’t understand. Of course. Why did this even happen? This is what happens when I make plans on the go with the wrong person. And this is the worst by far _ , Kyomo though – eyes dry and heart thumping hard on his chest. 

“Of course you don’t,” he scoffed. He abruptly turned his back on Hokuto and planned to leave him there.  _ I’m done with this,  _ he thought. It was time to go home. He’ll say his prayers tonight and wish that he’ll still be alright tomorrow. But he felt a hand on his arm and a sharp turn making him wince in pain. Hokuto’s ears are pink and his mouth was open, about to say something. 

“Let me go, Hokuto.”

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re trying to say but…if it’s because of singing  _ care _ that you’re like this,” he said. Kyomo tugged at his arm to loosen Hokuto’s grip, anger coloring his face. 

“How dare you!” 

“No! If it’s about when you sang  _ care _ at Shokura that you’re like this… You’re wrong, you know,” Hokuto said. His voice echoed on the empty street. 

“You don’t get it! I…felt bad, okay? It was bad. I tried to sing it the way I wanted to. I willed myself to get it across. I…” He wrapped his arms around himself, so ashamed that his feelings are out in the open. It was a momentous event for him. He wore his own clothes, he tried to be himself and not as Kyomoto Taiga of SixTONES when he stood on stage. And he felt so lost after singing the last verse. It wasn’t what he imagined.  _ Am I really unable to carry on as myself?  _

“I enjoyed your performance,” Hokuto said. Hands limp on his sides. He looked so tired and as lost as he was. “I watched you backstage and I enjoyed it. But I never want to see it again, to be honest.” 

“What? It was that bad?”  _ I’m so confused. What is this guy trying to say? _

Hokuto looked at Kyomo with an unreadable expression, eyes pinning him on the spot. The foot distance between them was down to a hand span’s gap and Kyomo felt the air between them so thin, it was painful. 

“I never want to see it again…because I feel that it’s something to treasure. I…it’s something to keep close. No one will ever see you trying your hardest like that again in that moment,” Hokuto said, chewing his lip and his hand kneading his neck furiously. 

_ I will never understand him.  _ Kyomo looked up at Hokuto and tried to stop his lips from curling into a smile. It was a rare moment of simply forgetting all the knotted history of their past and the distant relationship that they currently have. He saw Hokuto’s eyes widen and mouth hanging open – Hokuto may be the best person to express the surprise Kyomo also felt at the weird progress of this short encounter. 

“That’s a weird way to put it…but thank you,” he said suddenly embarrassed, unwilling to meet Hokuto’s eyes. 

“We were never good with spoken words, you know,” he said bowing his head, his dark hair covering his eyes. “But I would personally want you to sleep tonight knowing people notice the hard work you do for the things you…um, the things you love.” 

Kyomo nodded self-consciously, and turned around to continue the walk to the station. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief when he heard Hokuto’s footsteps match his stride.

Left with their own thoughts as they reached the train station and parted ways, there was an air of expectation and apprehension at what may happen next. Without them realizing, there was a feeling of unraveling between them that they have yet to acknowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I loved Kyomo singing Jin Akanishi's care at Shokura. He looked so stoic and intense. So when I virtually heard that he said that he needed to work hard on his performances, well, this hardworking bb is just the best!! Cheering him on!


	4. Sweaty Palm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What matters is you hold on, okay?” 
> 
> Kochi mentioned that there was a time that Kyomo texted him that one morning during a Shokura shoot back in September. Kyomo's been struggling with something at that time. What is it?
> 
> Everything's clearer in the morning light. Realizations are set in stone but is it a bitter pill to swallow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for this chapter - the hype of 6T's Shokura performance yesterday was everything I've ever wanted. 
> 
> More than anything, I realized that this story looks about a real time update of what's really happening with the gang. I'm kidding myself but it's a nice thought that this story matches the current events of SixTONES. 
> 
> I've been very selfish with this series writing it the way I want. If you, who is reading this far also find a bit of happiness over this silly piece, I would be very glad. 
> 
> Send me a comment or whatevah! I'm a bit sad this story will come to an end in 3 week's time. But everything comes full circle so hope you'll join me until the end.

**September 1, 2020 | Tuesday | 6:07 AM**

**“** **_What matters is you hold on, okay?”_ ** __

_ Hey, we’re being filmed for Bakaleya. All that random footage I can’t look back on because... _

_ He should have been more cautious. But when he held my hand and spun us around it was so natural. There’s nothing wrong with moments like this. He has always been so carefree yet so careful with others after all. Nothing could go wrong. Pulling me close, our fingers tangled. Our hands touching, raised towards the camera  _ – _ a look of triumph on his face I couldn’t understand why. He looked so silly at that moment.  _

_ Why are you always with me? I’ve always wanted to ask you. If only you knew… _

_ \-- _

_ “Will we ever have a chance to stand on stage as our own selves?” _

_ He looked at me and smiled. The classroom window was open and a cool breeze was blowing softly. I like how you looked then. Hair ruffled, eyes warm. So positive.  _

_ “We will. It’s just a matter of time. But what matters is we hold on, okay?” _

_ Naturally. Your hand on top of mine. There was never anything to hide when it’s with you. He looked forward, staring at the empty courtyard, no students in sight, the sky a soft burning orange. The day is over. I wanted days like this. I don’t mind your sweaty palm on top of my cold hand, Hokuto. _

_ I never have to say anything. However dark my thoughts bring me spiraling down, you’ve always been... _

Kyomo woke up with a start at the buzzing of his alarm. It’s been happening lately, he thought. He’s been dreaming of his time spent with Hokuto years ago. Fragments upon fragments of random interactions. There was never anything significant with the things he remembered from the past. It was also short lived. A wave of shame filled him. Fear was eating him up because of this unfamiliar feeling lately.  _ What’s wrong with me? _

Performing his usual morning routine, he soon left home for work. He knows that he’ll be the only one at the dressing room. It was tiring work yesterday so he’s sure everyone will be sleeping in for a few hours except Juri who oversleeps a lot – he’ll be late again.  _ Well, more time to compose myself. It’s the day for Shokura so I really need to set myself straight.  _

He shaded his eyes when he got out of the house. Everything looked white in the morning light. There is satisfaction in having the streets all to yourself especially when the morning brings a soft blanket over the sky, blocking the glare of the sun. 

Kyomo stomped his feet to fight off the chill when he finally arrived at the building. He greeted the staff and quickly walked to their dressing room.  _ The heater is on, good. _ A sigh of satisfaction escaped his lips. He unwrapped his muffler and draped it on a chair. 

“Good morning” a voice said from the far end of the room. Kyomo looked up and was startled to see Hokuto staring at him. He held onto the back of the chair, his legs about to give. 

_ Walking to the station a few times is okay. I could easily bolt if I want anytime. But in the same room... _

“I...I must be so quiet you didn’t know I was here, huh?” Hokuto’s hollow laugh filled the room. The temperature seemed to rise somehow. 

“Uh, no. I was preoccupied, I guess,” he replied, his small smile more like a grimace. 

Hokuto nodded and proceeded to unpack his things from his gym bag. With his back turned, Kyomo quickly contemplated which of the 3 possible scenes are good enough to execute: a) leave the room without him noticing, b) leave the room and inform Hokuto because it’s the polite thing to do, or c) stay and pretend everything is alright. 

He really believed that leaving now was the best option. He’d wait for the other members to arrive while staying at 7 Eleven was a good plan. It was perfect but he stayed. That’s the surprising bit. He looked shocked at his decision as he sat down on the leather sofa.  _ What is wrong with me? _ As if his body became autonomous from his mind, it ignored the thoughts screaming inside his head. He went ahead and stayed, hands frantically getting his phone from his pocket. He tapped madly – so hyper aware of Hokuto on the other side of the room. 

He sent Kochi a flurry of texts just to calm his nerves, a poor attempt to show he’s absorbed with something to fend off any unwarranted conversation. 

\--

_ Kochi? Are you awake?  _

_ Are you on your way here? _

_ It’s extra chilly today so wear something warm, okay? _

_ How long will it take you to come to work?  _

_ The heater’s on so you’ll be glad when you arrive.  _

Kochi: Good morning to you, too. I’m on my way. 

_ Ah, good morning.  _

_ Wasn’t able to say it. _

_ Just got excited? Is that right?  _

_ Hahaha _

Kochi: Excited? lol Riding the bus today. See you! 

_ Take care!  _

_ How long by bus?  _

_ Kochi?  _

_ Kochi? _

_ \-- _

Kyomo felt the weight shift from his left. He looked up from his phone and saw Hokuto sitting beside him. He subtly shifted right, a cornered mouse. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” 

“Huh? Um, am I not allowed to sit here?” Hokuto was taking a keen interest in his hands before looking up embarrassed at Kyomo. 

Maybe it’s the mutual awkwardness of the situation, but Kyomo tried to relax a bit and shook his head. He closed his phone and pocketed it. 

“No… It’s just. We don’t do this, you know?” 

“Yes. We also don’t walk occasionally to the station and catch up too. In the morning, it feels like...we might be caught doing something wrong,” he said in a whisper. Kyomo blinked. 

He can count the few times they shared walking the same street and heard each other’s measured steps. Those nights feel so surreal that speaking about it aloud confirms it’s real. They really spent time together ever since that first night. The heavy burden he carried about his self-doubts was being carried by this guy beside him. His quiet presence hidden by the evening’s shadow feels safer as if he can lay bare when he can’t see Hokuto clearly. Today is different. Maybe it’s because knowing it’s morning, he can feel him – his profile sharp, his warm eyes, his lips a give away to his true feelings when he wants to.

“What?” 

“Uh, again. Lost in thought,” Kyomo said, taking a sudden interest in the ceiling. He tilted his head and saw Hokuto, lips pressed to hide a smile.  _ I don’t get you.  _ In this overly warm room, Kyomo also felt a smile on his face and he hated it. 

“Let’s do good for today’s shooting,” he told Hokuto, a display of rare kindness. 

“You’ll do great, Kyomoto,” he replied. There was warmth in those words and Kyomo closed his eyes.  _ This is not a dream. He shouldn’t be saying these things. That was then.  _

“I’m...feeling better, you know? I’ve imposed on you a lot these past few days,” he said staring ahead, not looking at Hokuto – fearing he’ll see the shame in his eyes. His secret. He didn’t want to look at Hokuto fearing he'd see right through him.  _ I think this all started because we spend time together lately.  _

“Hey, take the time you need. What matters is you hold on, okay?” Kyomo felt Hokuto’s hand on top of his. Warm. Too warm. As if scalded, he jerked his hand away. 

Hokuto and Kyomo looked at each other, both mirroring the surprise on their faces. Hokuto was the first to break contact and abruptly stood up. 

“I...I’m sorry,” he said and rushed to the door. Kyomo didn’t watch him go. The door clicked shut. He sat unmoving, his hand that touched Hokuto’s was a foreign object attached to his body. 

One thought. 

_ I can’t believe that this is happening. After all this time. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next week is post-Shokura + uwu interactions + more realizations. Hoping that my mind can take this because my heart can't.


	5. A Chair Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve also changed…”
> 
> Hokuto overthinks about what came over him to touch Taiga recklessly. Is he pushed to the brink to finally be honest about himself? Someone has to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating late because Music Day was just wildt! Hope everyone also got to enjoy the different performances. I'm still sad that SixTONES weren't included and won't punch myself with bitterness over this. I want to trust 6T that they'll pace themselves and the wait brings wins thousandfold. Proud of their You & I perf on Shokura! The distribution really got to me. Sorry for the mini share. Just wanted to air this out once more. 
> 
> Continuing from where Kyomo's part ended. Time to check up on what's up with Hokuto.

**September 1, 2020 | Tuesday | 11:25 PM**

**_“I’ve also changed…”_ **

Hokuto felt ready to fall down any minute. It wasn't just his body that's about to give. The mental fortitude it takes not to think about what happened this morning was a feat. He was glad none of his thoughts slipped from his lips. It would have ended him. 

_ I was so careless. I don't know what came over me then. Touching him so casually. Of course he'd be surprised. Disgusted, more like. _ His mood was dropping drastically as he walked inside the dressing room. He sat down heavily on a nearby chair, avoiding the sofa – as if an imprint of Kyomoto still lingers. A deep sigh escaped his lips. 

"That's one heavy sigh," a voice said. Hokuto looked up and saw Shin approach him. He had a wide smile on his face and from a bystander's point of view, they'd think it off-putting to be cheerful in front of someone who’s not sharing the cheer and joy. But for Hokuto it was reassuring to see him and touched with Shin’s show of concern. 

"I'm just tired that's all," he replied as Shin leaned on the counter. Hokuto avoided Shin's eyes and stared at his hollow face in the mirror. 

"You've been too busy lately. That drama you're filming, this week's Shokura and the handful of videos we filmed for these past 2 weeks for YouTube. Do you even sleep?"

He sneaked a glance at Shin and saw how his brows were scrunched and his mouth set into a frown – the wide smile wiped from his face. It was moments like this that Hokuto is reminded how lucky he is to have him and the rest of the members. The show of concern is always naked on their faces. He smiled up at Shin and shook his head. 

"I get enough sleep. I think I just need to lose all this tension I’m feeling,” he said, putting on a show of rolling his shoulders. Shin chuckled and pushed himself off from the counter, hands on his hips and faced Hokuto. 

“You should eat dinner with us sometime. Jesse and I will make you laugh. You'd forget you have tension as part of your vocabulary,” Shin said wiggling his eyebrows, a lopsided smile comically plastered on his face. Hokuto laughed at how ridiculous he looked.

“You’re not even with Jesse lately. He’s been hanging out with Kochi most of the time, you know,” Hokuto pointed out. Shin shook his head and clicked his tongue. 

“I can count the days that Jesse and Kochi eat out, okay? Kochi’s been stressed lately too. I guess we all cope in our own way.” Shin sobered up and shrugged his shoulders. 

Despite being the other half of Jesse when it comes to goofiness, Shin is perceptive and sensitive. Hokuto stared at him and nodded. He stood up from his chair and patted Shin’s shoulder. His companion’s eyes widened at the sudden contact. 

“I’m not sure about forgetting tension as part of my vocabulary but let’s all eat dinner when things calm down, okay?” Hokuto and Shin smiled at the thought. They’ve all been together for most of the day but it’s weird to miss everyone at the same time. Things have changed these past few months. 

_ I’ve also changed and I’m scared at how far I'll change from now on. _

\--

_ Hokuto was sitting beside Kyomoto. He looked around and everyone was having fun just getting the ball inside the net. He felt an overwhelming wave of happiness – so unbearable he really felt his chest might not contain this strong emotion. It was hard to breathe. And he laughed it off, gulping air  _ –  _ wishing his voice blended with everyone.  _

_ And I remember. Back then we used to sit beside each other. Always. I look to my side and I see you. But at moments like this, I could touch you, being so near but it feels like we're a chair apart. Always so far away. This distance  _ – _ I did that. But I just had to do this. _

_ And the disparity of his emotions, the way he projected himself during this moment was a win. Hokuto laughed at Shin using his elbows and feet to score, mechanics forgotten. He loved watching Jesse laughing nonstop. Juri was having so much fun and he missed him so much, they rarely talk because of their busy schedules. Kochi was showing too much skill and this game isn't even football.  _

_ Then there's Kyomoto. Holding the bat awkwardly, unable to get past Jesse and just using brute force he doesn't really possess.  _

_ When he vaguely heard the alarm go off signaling the game's finished, he was cheering with Shin and Jesse for winning. The past few day's tension was shaken off by the exhilarating moment of just having fun. Hokuto's eyes caught Kyomoto. He was also looking at Hokuto.  _

_ At that time Kyomoto, you looked  _ –

Hokuto was pulled back from his thoughts at the jolt of the train stopping at the next station. He peeked at the platform sign and sighed in relief that it’s not yet his stop. The thoughts he’s been having and the memories he’s relieving lately are dangerous. 

Before this morning’s incident, Kyomoto seemed to tolerate talking to him. The handful of nights they shared going to the station after work to just talk was something he looked forward to. Even filming ahead for their YouTube channel was fun because he could relax around Kyomoto even if they barely exchanged words. The Stay at Home video they did last week was his favorite. He relieved that memory. It was the most they’ve talked to each other casually. He thought it to be a result of their closet interaction – a secret the two of them shared. 

So when he reached the lobby a while ago and saw the entrance empty, there was sadness not seeing a faded blonde head looking back upon hearing his footsteps. He walked alone to the station for the first time in a long while. 

_ I’m being too honest and I don’t want to pick at my feelings like this.  _

Hokuto got off at the next station and walked the long way home. He didn’t want this night to end overthinking about what he just did. To get worked up over something so simple as to touch hands between them is going overboard.

_ If I’m being too honest again, I’m afraid Kyomoto will know that’s why. He might remember that one time. _

After Bakaleya, he didn’t think they would see each other again. Moved by emotion, his body moved on it’s own only to be brought back to reality: he couldn’t have this.  _ And I still think this way. _ So when fate began to spin a future for all 6 to be united, it was a shock to him that he’ll be working closely with Kyomoto. After what he just did and realized, Hokuto spent years of deliberate distancing from Kyomoto. The guilt and shame won over the sadness and pain of losing the bond they shared. He made an elaborate scheme to stay away and he was good at keeping things to himself. But being too close to Kyomoto lately brought back feelings he didn’t want to unearth. Hokuto really thought he’d forgotten about it. Now he’s too scared to admit that he might have denied everything strongly that his mind had the power to hold off his feelings, if that’s even possible.

_ This is too much honesty for one day and I’ll forgive myself for being out of character for today. _

They won’t be seeing each other for a while. Hokuto wasn’t sure if this was a good thing. But he had to set things straight with Kyomoto once he got the chance. The time apart might do him some good to try and sort all of his feelings. The unraveling of a chaotic history between them has become undone starting with him. His carelessness today has just awakened something he tried to forget. Something he once held close. Still held close even now. 

_ When I see you next, I pray to the gods that I won’t try to kiss you again. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta told me the story's feel changed and this made me happy that she thought so. I intended for it this chapter to skew from the previous. Might not be for everyone but I wanted to tie this chapter with the next one + wanted to push my best boi into finally acknowledging an unknown feeling + Hokuto & Shin interaction is just uwu. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around. Hope you catch what happens next when Kyomo comes face-to-face with his reality.


	6. Familiar Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me now before we walk away from this.”
> 
> Jesse mentioned that back in August, he saw Kyomo spooked out about something. He looked out and Hokuto was at the end of the hallway. What happened between them that left Kyomo so out of sorts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is a very late update. It's been such a busy week & a lot of things were happening too. Here's to wishing that life could slow down a bit once in a while. Hehehe
> 
> I'm getting emotional wrapping this up next week. This is my first fic about these two and it's been such fun just combining all the things I enjoy into this small story. Please feel free to let me know how this story has been so far for you~
> 
> And now, time to tie Hokuto's realizations with Kyomo's in this chapter!

**September 16, 2020 | Wednesday | 12:17 PM**

**_“Tell me now before we walk away from this.”_ **

Kyomo has been staring at his phone for a good five minutes just trying to process how fast things escalated. It’s only Wednesday. 

_ Kyomoto-san, I will be sending you details on your joint interview for POTATO with Matsumura-san for October 5, 2PM. That’s a Monday. Already kept your schedules open. Thank you.  _

Kyomo was with M-san awhile ago and he couldn’t even tell this to him face-to-face. Is it that obvious that things have changed between him and Hokuto? They weren’t even talking much to each other to begin with! He was dreading next month already.

“I admit, I know things have changed. I still hate it,” Kyomo muttered bitterly, switching his phone off. He was the only one left at the rehearsal hall since everyone went down to have lunch. 

Kyomo, despite the desire to always be with the other members, has taken a bit of time just to be left with his own thoughts lately. He thanks everyone that they’ve said nothing if he acted distant. It’s because of the previous week’s events that he’s been so occupied – he’s grown tired of this routine: frequently looking back and not seeing the way forward.  _ It was a simple gesture and I overreacted.  _ He had inwardly punished himself for how badly that day ended. And the whole time spent with the group since then, he didn’t dare look at Hokuto. Even at today’s rehearsals he spared nothing for Hokuto, his guilt and embarrassment ruling his actions.

_ But how should I have reacted then?  _

He left the rehearsal hall and went down the stairs. Drawing near their dressing room, he’s a bit surprised that the hallway was quiet. The raised voices of the members could usually be heard from far away. They’ve been scolded a few times and still they never close the door, their voices echoing from one floor up.  _ I hope he’s not lounging there. I’m still annoyed with this joint interview. _ Feet heavy from fatigue, Kyomo walked slowly only to stop at the sound of familiar measured steps coming from behind him. 

_ No. Too soon. It’s too soon for this. _

“Kyomoto.” 

A deep breath, stale air filling his lungs, and a slow turn. Hokuto stood a foot from him, dark eyes unflinching.  _ I can do this.  _ Kyomo has done this countless times: be civil. It’s been a few days since they stopped talking to each other, years that they’ve danced around each other. He can still do this. He can still bring back the feeling of being distant despite having a taste of what it could be like if things were different. If they could go back. Disregarding the thin air between them and his knotted feelings, he matched Hokuto with an unwavering look.  _ Don’t fail me now, self.  _

“Yes. What’s up?” 

It’s funny how Kyomo can still see beyond the minute changes in Hokuto.  _ I’m not sure anymore if I’m stuck in the past or you haven’t changed at all.  _ The catch of his breath, the flash of hesitation in his eyes, and his resolve as he unclenched his fist. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m not sorry about what happened last time,” Hokuto said. 

“It’s nothing. I mean, I’m...I’m sorry too. I guess I was surprised,” his replied nonchalantly, averting Hokuto’s gaze. He just wanted this to be done with. After this, Kyomo wasn’t sure what would happen next. But he felt a finality with this encounter.  _ It was good while it lasted. _

“I think you heard wrong. I’m not apologizing for anything,” Hokuto said, taking a step forward. Kyomo’s eyes widened and took a step back, not noticing his back inches away from touching the wall. It would be embarrassing to run from this. Everyone would see.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” His voice was cracking at the worst moment. His composure is a mess, feeling small at Hokuto looking down at him. 

“I’ve spent a few days thinking about this. I may be saying this wrong but I don’t want to have regrets anymore,” Hokuto said softly. His breath gently disturbed the fine stands of Kyomo’s hair and he mustered the courage to look up. Hokuto looked at him with eyes conveying an apology he wasn’t sure what for. 

“I enjoyed the time we spent together. There’s been too many things left unsaid but I...I’m just sorry.” Hokuto’s eyes were bright and Kyomo couldn’t take it if he broke down on him now. 

“I...I don’t get what you’re saying, Hokuto,” he said, stepping back. Finally cornered. This wasn’t what he expected. Everything about this seemed wrong.

“I’m sorry for leaving you in that empty classroom. I didn’t want you...I didn’t want you to know then,” Hokuto continued in a rush, ignoring Kyomo’s confusion. “But I’m not running away anymore.”

“Stop this! You’re not making any sense.” Kyomo’s face was hot with frustration. The cryptic words Hokuto’s been saying didn't make sense and he can’t grasp what time he’s referring to because they’ve wasted a lot of years already. 

“Back then, I just wanted to hold your hand.” Hokuto’s voice was barely audible but rang clear to Kyomo and he closed his eyes wishing he was somewhere else, not hearing this raw confession. 

“I still can’t have this but...thank you for everything.”

Kyomo opened his eyes and saw Hokuto smiling at him. It was a smile too beautiful and painful to look at. He didn’t understand anything. Pushing himself from the wall, Kyomo walked past Hokuto and briskly went towards the dressing room. He finally ran away. The overwhelming emotion was heavy for his chest to bear.  _ What do I do now? _

A few strides and he bumped on something warm, solid hands holding him steady. He looked up and Jesse was staring at him with mild surprise. 

“Hey, what’s the hurry? You okay?”

Kyomo shook his head as Jesse let go of him. No one else was in the dressing room besides them. Without a word, he sat down on the sofa and wiped his face as if the few minutes’ stress could be erased. 

Jesse stood awkwardly not knowing what happened. Kyomo looked so pale as if he’d seen a ghost. Curious, Jesse stepped outside to the hall and looked beyond.  _ What could have spooked Kyomo like that? _ He only saw Hokuto at the end of the hall, a look of intensity and an unreadable expression on his face. Their eyes met and Jesse wanted to call out but Hokuto turned back sharply, disappearing from a corner. 

“What was that?” Jesse scratched his head and went back inside. Kyomo was already lost in his own thoughts, his stare burning a hole through the wall. Jesse regrets that he didn’t go along with Juri, Kochi, and Shin when they said they were buying ice cream from 7 Eleven. Heaving a deep sigh, he’ll just wait for the others and plug in his earphones on to give Kyomo a bit of privacy. 

\--

_ I've come to believe that today can't replicate the colors of yesterday's sky. Each horizon is painted with hues that are unique, only once to behold. But in this moment, the surrealness of having the same orange sky, the same empty courtyard, the same breeze coming from the open window, and you by my side is a small miracle. A perfect replica of my safe place  _ – _ this feeling which you will never know.  _

_ "Bakaleya officially finished yesterday," you said. Staring out the window, your eyes were bright. Knowing you, the tears are threatening to fall but you're holding back impressively.  _

_ "I was expecting a coming together, you know? But it didn't happen and seems like you'll be working closely with Jesse," I mused, masking the bitterness I felt. A deep disappointment.  _

_ No reply. Only a hand laid on top of mine. Naturally. Always. _

_ I won't blame anyone for how it ended for us. The six of us were together but for a short time. Where we go from here is something we will all face alone. But I wanted that chance. Quitting was on my lips, waiting to be said. But you...all 6 of us was a chance I’m willing to take. A risk worth betting. Now there's nothing. Only this small piece of bravery I was given by the 5 of you is what's keeping me afloat now. _

_ "I hope that in the future, we can all stand together on one stage. All six of us" you said softly. A wish echoing mine.  _

_I closed my eyes, smiling at the thought._ _I felt everything with those words._ _My chest was bursting with heartbeats of a future I've yet to behold_ ** _._** _All six of us on stage, arms raised and blinded by the bright lights. I can hear the cheers of the people who watched us perform. I look at you by my side, your smile wobbly from emotion. And I am smiling wide. I can taste salt on my lips, sweat from the exertion of our routine. I can feel a sweet breath fanning my lips_ – _a ghost of a touch as if_ –

_ A shuffle of feet and the sliding door closed shut. I opened my eyes and looked back. The classroom looked abnormally big by myself. The hand you were holding just now felt cold.  _

_ "Hokuto?" _

How long he stared at the wall thinking, backtracking years worth of memories was known only to him. He wasn’t sure if lunch break was over – so lost was he in his own bubble of reflection. 

Kyomo’s eyes widened with realization.  _ I’ve always wondered about that time. You stopped talking to me since then. _ He dropped trying to think what made Hokuto ignore him all these years. He grew comfortable thinking they grew up and were different people now. But now, it was ridiculous to conclude that he and Hokuto have been stuck with one period of time and that’s what held them back all these years. Kyomo couldn’t shoulder the magnitude of possibilities if he also tried to be honest with himself now. Should he even try?

_ You’re still bad at expressing yourself when it matters most. Why now of all times? _

His heart was beating so fast with that unfamiliar feeling, an awakening. Liquid warmth spread through Kyomo as he recalled what Hokuto just said to him. 

_ I need to know the end of this, Hokuto. Tell me now before we walk away from this. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few changes to chs 1 and 2 namely that Jesse witnessed this KyomoHoku scene back in August and not in October and that it's been 8 years since Bakaleya (I have a poor relationship with numbers so I might be wrong hahaha). 
> 
> A few things that made me smile writing this:  
> 1) I've always observed Hokuto as someone who appreciates physicality and the simplest touch/gesture means a lot like holding hands uwu  
> 2) Kyomo has always been a creative and complex soul, I wanted it to reflect how he recalls his memories  
> 3) Jesse looks like the type to focus on his relationships with each members individually so he usually stays away from any issues between two members or so but he got rattled by KyomoHoku (this was a personal wish since he's not usually like this I guess hehe)
> 
> Hope you join KyomoHoku's last sprint next week. Thank you very much~~


	7. Stars Align

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hope I finally reached you.”
> 
> After everything that's happened, how will it end for Kyomoto and Hokuto?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a very difficult chapter to write. Thank you to everyone who joined KyomoHoku's journey! I've been selfish with writing this the way I wanted to but most of all, I wanted to convey the feelings I've always seen between KyomoHoku. It has been frustrating and a delight watching them! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this chapter! Kindly read on until the end (u know when u know)~

**September 16, 2020 | Wednesday | 7:33 PM**

**_“I hope I finally reached you.”_ **

Hokuto chose today as the best day to ruin his inner peace and carefully developed self-preservation towards Kyomoto for years to come. After what went on between him and Kyomoto a while ago, his cool resolve broke down. He spent the rest of his lunch break outside the building, cold air biting on his bare arms but he felt too warm to care. When he returned later on, the members were a bit shocked to find him pale and red-nosed except for Kyomoto who didn’t look up from the table.

_ It really is true. I can never have this. _

What got Hokuto through the rest of the day was the routinary tasks they covered. As he sat through hours discussing their plans for ZIP tomorrow morning to announce another anime stint, their promotional for their Single’s release in November, and catching up with each other’s projects, Hokuto thought it both a blessing and a curse to live an Idol’s life. It was one of those moments of relief that the waves of his convoluted feelings are kept at bay. But at the back of Hokuto’s mind, Kyomoto’s back walking away from him lingers. It took courage not to be consumed by so much disappointment.

When SixTONES finished for the day, everyone was readying themselves for an early clock out from work. Jesse and Shin were excitedly talking about visiting a new restaurant with Kochi being dragged once more for the nth time this month. Juri was lounging on the sofa tapping away on his phone and Hokuto was glancing at the end of the room where Kyomoto was busy packing up all his things, a deep longing filling his chest.  _ It’s so awkward to just end the day like this. Just another fact I have to accept.  _

“Guys, we're going ahead,” Kochi peeked from outside the dressing room. Jesse and Shin’s excited voices were fading along with their footsteps. 

“Wait! I’ll go walk out with you guys,” Kyomoto said. Slinging his bag without sparing a glance at Juri and Hokuto, he left the dressing room. Hokuto didn’t dare lift his eyes, just aware of the solid ground going soft.  _ It’s over. Just like that. _

“See you guys,” Juri called out from his spot on the sofa. “Don’t be late. We have an early start tomorrow!”

“You tell that to yourself,” Kochi replied, a mock frown on his face. He looked at Hokuto and smiled wide. “Hokuto, don’t give him a call tomorrow morning. Let him wake up on his own.” 

“No! Hokuto, don't listen,” Juri cried. Looking at Juri’s lanky build hanging on the sofa lifted Hokuto just a bit. 

“Let’s see tomorrow.” Hokuto waved at Kochi as he closed the door. Juri huffed and smiled at him and Hokuto was panicking at the realization they were the only ones left in the room.

“Hey,” Juri said, still smiling at him.  _ This is bad. If Juri knows… _

“Hmm? What is it?” Hokuto threw his phone and a folder haphazardly on his bag and zipped it closed, his back turned from Juri.

“Do your best in October for that joint interview,” Juri said. Hokuto breathed deeply. With the day’s agenda, he tried his best not thinking about their joint interview for POTATO on October 5th.  _ The two of us. Together. It will be a disaster.  _

“Thanks. We’ll do our best,” Hokuto faced Juri, making sure his smile didn’t appear wobbly. He walked past him, touched his shoulder, and said goodbye. Hokuto walked down the hall with a haunted look, seeing an apparition of him and Kyomoto on that particular spot on the wall. A replay of an end he knew but still pained him.

_ I’m not regretting any of this. I’ll pick myself up from here. _

Turning the corner, he neared the lobby and stopped abruptly, minutes away from landing on his back. 

Kyomoto was standing outside. Looking at the familiar profile looking out into the night, Hokuto walked slowly towards him. He was afraid his sight was playing him wrong. And at the sound of his footsteps, Kyomoto turned and looked back at him. It was a short walk to reach where he is but the distance seemed long. Kyomoto wore a mask of collected calmness and Hokuto looked too shocked to school his features. 

“You're here.” Hokuto swallowed thinking he’d never be able to speak after this. 

“Took you long enough to come out. I was already thinking of excuses for staying out here if Juri saw me instead of you,” Kyomoto replied. 

“Oh? Um...what excuses did you think of?” Hokuto’s nervous fingers found his neck, kneading a forming knot of tension. He felt so high strung and panic was building up within him seeing Kyomoto too soon after what just happened earlier.

“Just one. Only you. But I don’t want to say that.”

Hokuto could only blink at the Kyomoto he's facing now. This was not the man he talked to this afternoon, holding himself together – scared he might fall apart at the words Hokuto just told him. He looked so composed and sure of himself. Too calm. Hokuto dared to look at his dark eyes and can only see a depth he’s scared to fall deeper into.  _ You looked like you hated me just a while ago. I should be hurt but seeing you now... _

“Kyomoto, I…”

“Walk with me.” Kyomoto cut him off and started down the steps. Hokuto took a second to catch up, a cadence he’s used to. 

The sky was turning a deep purple – pale pink mixed with the ink of a long night. It felt good to finally walk the same quiet street with Kyomoto beside him despite everything.  _ I’ll miss this. _ Hokuto looked ahead, aware of Kyomoto’s presence beside him. His mind was filled with so many questions about the awkwardness of this situation.  _ Should I speak? What am I supposed to say? Should I apologize? Because I said I – _

The air was whipped on his face as Kyomoto pulled on his arm and led them to a shadowed spot on the street. Hokuto looked down at Kyomoto, confused. 

“You had a lot to say earlier and you clam up now,” Kyomo looked up at him. 

“What am I supposed to say?” 

“Start from where you stopped: why can’t you have this,” Kyomoto said, squeezing his arm before letting go. Kyomoto lowered his head, not looking at Hokuto. He wasn’t sure what to respond – all he could process was if Kyomoto even knew what he just said. 

“Do...do you even know what I meant then?” Hokuto’s voice was shaky, unsure if it was nervousness or buoyant at the thought that this man in front of him understood his haphazard confession. Kyomoto didn’t respond and only stood before him, standing his ground as if preparing for a blow he’s already prepared to accept. It was Hokuto’s chance. Another chance to connect. 

_ I’m taking this. One last time.  _

“I don’t think there’s much to say. Alright, maybe a lot,” Hokuto laughed nervously. “...I say I can’t have this. But really, it’s because I can’t have you. Back then...I know how young we were. It was an uncertain time...”

Hokuto drew close to Kyomoto who remained unmoving save for a hitch of the latter’s breath.  _ This is the closest I’ve been to you. I won’t forget this. _ Through years of deliberate distancing from Kyomoto, Hokuto continued to watch him from afar. Careful layers of self-control may have kept him from wanting too much from this man but that one night – a night just like this, was what gave him the courage to finally stop running away and face his feelings. 

“I like who you were back then, Kyomoto. And I like the person you are now,” he said softly, each word carrying years of emotion he couldn’t fully express in this moment.  _ This has to be enough. I hope I finally reached you. If we say goodbye now...I will always – _

“Why didn’t you say this earlier?” There was exasperation in Kyomoto’s voice and Hokuto winced at the sharp retort. Then shock, as cold hands held onto his. He closed his eyes at a burst of light as Kyomoto pulled him under a streetlamp. 

It has always been a play of tug and pull between them these past few days – of spoken honesty under the cover of shadows, riddles, and unvoiced thoughts. It looked ridiculous to do this in the middle of the street. But Kyomoto knew how much it meant to set a stage for him to be honest when they both have trouble expressing themselves. Under the glaring lights, Hokuto saw how clear and steady Kyomoto’s eyes were on him. Being held so sure without saying anything, they stood holding hands – a reveal of their true selves. Stars finally aligned. 

“Years wasted can only be looked back on,” Kyomoto said. “I know you so well then, but let me know you more now.” 

“I don’t think there’s much to know about me,” Hokuto replied. He was giddy with the feeling of Kyomoto’s hands on his – ignoring the fact that his hands were clammy from spent nervousness. 

“You ran away once but I’ve finally caught up,” Kyomoto said breathlessly. His cheeks flushed and Hokuto wanted to touch his face and feel his warm skin. 

“I’m not asking for anything, Kyomoto. I only said what I wanted to say,” Hokuto said, letting go of Kyomoto’s hands. He’ll be pocketing this memory and keeping this close to him – a time he stayed true to himself and once more held the hands of the person he’s longed to connect with since 8 years ago.  _ I’ll remember this night always. _

“I also have a say.” Kyomoto’s open hands were clenched, his brow furrowed, and voice bitter. Hokuto will never impose his feelings on Kyomoto. It was too much to hope for in just one night. He opened his mouth to say so but was cut off for the second time tonight. 

“Do I also have to make it clear for you? How I also –”

“Don’t say it,” Hokuto said. Kyomoto’s eyes were stricken. At this point, Hokuto can only dream big and bet once more. He smiled so wide and ignored the confusion and anger on Kyomoto’s face. _Maybe_ _I can still hope for one more thing._

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off, it's just...I won’t push you to say it if you’re not ready. I said I won’t ask anything but if you want to take a chance on me…”

“I’d take a chance on us,” Kyomoto said. The confusion and anger was still there, but the finality of his words were punctuated by Hokuto’s heartbeats. And whatever resolve Kyomoto had, whatever thoughts that were running through his head, and whatever feelings he had now were sealed by that one line. No one knew who was bolder. There was only the promise of better days in Kyomoto’s eyes that Hokuto is willing to take.

Hokuto dipped his head and lightly touched his forehead to Kyomoto. Close together, their breaths were heavy and the air felt too warm. Years wasted can only be looked back on they knew but they have this to keep moving forward. There’s uncertainty ahead and Hokuto can only hope he’d be able to take care of this. Take care of them – to make what they have now into something more.

“With this, I feel very positive for our POTATO joint interview” Hokuto whispered. 

“We’ll do well. Just don’t give too much away.” Kyomoto’s lips curved into a smile.

The air still felt thin around them. There were still many words left unsaid. Days will still be filled with tension and overwhelming emotion, he knew. Hokuto reached for Kyomoto’s hands and held on, looking forward to days and stolen moments to feel this close. Kyomo stepped closer and closed his eyes. His lips mouthed three words – words he was told not to say. Hokuto’s eyes widened, reading each syllable – his heart full.

_ I can’t wait to catch those three words from your lips with kisses. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful that I'm poor when it comes to number sense. I started this story with a Prologue. And while the main story has ended, I know that there should be an Epilogue. Hehehe
> 
> It's a semi-goodbye to our resident slow burn couple. Hope to see you one last time (?) for A Chair Apart on October 5th!


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A change I’ve yet to grow used to.”
> 
> Juri said that Hokuto asked him something that he and the rest of the members consider as unusual. What could be the reason Hokuto asked in the first place? 
> 
> How will 2/3 SixTONES conclude their Storadi about the two absent members? And what is it about this particular "accident"?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining KyomoHoku on this journey! It has been such a pleasure just typing away and mold a story such as this. It's imperfect but I was able to start and end this as I imagined it in my head a month ago. Hehehe
> 
> This has been so surreal that I wrote each chapter and injected recent events of SixTONES. So I hope that you who is reading this finds a bit of happiness, it would mean the world to me. 
> 
> Excited to write once more after a long time. If you have any comments and suggestions please do let me know here or chat me up on Twitter: @kentyphile! Ijou for now~

**October 5, 2020 | Monday**

**_“A change I’ve yet to grow used to.”_ **

**_Kyomo & Hokuto, 1:40PM_ **

Hokuto and Kyomo arrived at the venue for their joint interview for POTATO early. Going through the briefing and motions was something they are slowly getting used to and all that’s left is to pace themselves before the interview starts 20 minutes from now. 

Kyomo was busy talking to M-san and Hokuto took this opportunity to step out of the room. He felt a swell of happiness at the way Kyomo subtly searched for him, a fleeting look at Hokuto before turning back to his manager. Two weeks have passed since the night they had their own version of confessing and deciding to see each other without wording it exactly. Typical of them. 

Hokuto has pocketed so many stolen moments with Kyomoto in this short time. He wonders if his hoard will exceed the space of his heart. Lately, it’s been a thrill to touch hands, their fingers tangled, have his palm on Kyomoto’s cheek, and leave soft breaths a mark on his forehead. When seen with everyone, they went on as they were – exchanging the bare minimum during conversations. Not interacting much. Kyomoto hardly looks at him, as he expected. So when they are alone under the shade of familiar shadows or a lone corner in a hall, Hokuto is fascinated at how Kyomoto sheds his cool image and shows a brand of kindness only he knows. 

Taking his phone from his pocket, he typed in a contact and waited for the person on the line to pick up.

“Uh, hello? Hokuto?” Juri’s voice sounded drowned out by the noise in the background. Hokuto smiled hearing Jesse’s laugh. 

“Hi, Juri. Sorry to call on you so suddenly. We’ll start in a few minutes. Just want to ask something,” Hokuto said. _I’m really putting in effort here, doing all of this. A change I’ve yet to grow used to._

“Oh! It starts at 2:00 PM, yeah? Good luck you two!” Hokuto can hear the rest of the members cheering, probably overhearing that Juri’s talking to him over the phone. Juri covered his phone for a few seconds and when he returned to ask what Hokuto wanted to know, no loud voices could be heard. 

“Sorry, Hokuto. I stepped out. They are so noisy,” Juri said laughing. 

“Ah, it’s okay. Say hello to everyone for me. As I was saying, uh, just want to ask if you know a nearby Ramen restaurant near our building?”

“Oh? A good Ramen restaurant, huh? What’s up? Well, there’s a small establishment near the 7 Eleven we frequent. Very cozy,” Juri replied. 

“I see. Well, I plan to check it out. Send me the details, please? I have to go. Thanks, Juri!” Hokuto deliberately tried to avoid answering Juri’s question about why he’s asking for Ramen recommendations on a very tight schedule.

“Sure, sure! Best of luck, Hokuto!” 

Sighing in relief, he pocketed his phone and went inside the room. He felt his phone vibrate a few seconds after their call and he smiled. _Juri. Always reliable._

After this interview, he needs to talk to Kyomoto. 

\--

**_2/3 SixTONES, 4:18 PM_ **

Everyone saw the signal that _love u…_ will be fading into the background so that they can continue with their Storadi. Juri picked up the mantle again to keep 2/3 SixTONES going. They were still in the middle of discussing instances where Kyomo and Hokuto directly interacted and it turned out to be too serious a topic to handle for this group. 

“We’re back, everyone! That was a throwback to our coupling song that we first performed on Shokura,” Juri said smiling at the group. It definitely was a good memory for everyone to perform all of their coupling songs of their second single.

“Hey, didn’t we just play that on Saturday during SixTONES ANN?” Jesse seemed to be the only one finding Juri’s remark funny. Collective resigned expressions met Jesse’s reply. 

“I listened that night and you were the one who initiated it,” Kochi said, staring Jesse down from across the table. Jesse mock cowered beside Juri, a lopsided smile on his face.

“Okay, okay. We’ve gone off topic. We’re still not done concluding Kyomo and Hokuto’s direct interactions.” Juri was holding Kochi and Jesse off from talking about SixTONES ANN. He honestly wanted this to be done and over with since everyone’s clearly distracted now. 

“Isn’t it fine? I mean, we don’t even have proof unless we ask them,” Kochi said. Shin was quick to agree and quipped that even if he did see them, he wasn’t even sure what they were doing on that late August night. 

“True. So did we just talk about the two of them and stressed ourselves out by speculating?”

“Pretty much.” Shin looked at Jesse, a wolfish grin on his face.

“Exactly. I wonder…” Kochi looked pointedly at Jesse. 

“Well, that’s it then.” Juri sided a glance at Jesse. 

“What are you all looking at me for! You all went along with it!” Jesse said standing up, arms thrown wide. Juri ducked to avoid being slapped in the face. 

“Now see here –” Kochi stood up and pointed at Jesse. Juri and Shin stood up as well and just blocked the two from each other. Everyone just felt silly with the whole situation and laughed off all the tension they’ve bottled up the past 15 minutes they’ve been filming.

“We need to make a decision, guys. I think this is a NG Storadi,” Shin said, sobering up from all the laughing.

“Agree. But then, we don’t do Storadi now since we’re on SiXTONES ANN. Can’t we pass this off as a random thing we did? Shelve this for some other time? Maybe never?” Kochi was looking at Juri for a decision. Juri in turn looked at Jesse, the person they turn to for decisions like this. 

“Well, aren’t all our videos random? Dhahahahahha!” Jesse finally got slapped by Kochi on the shoulder and he laughed even louder. 

“Alright, so that’s it everyone from 2/3 SixTONES for today! We hope you watched Yashahime’s first episode with NEW ERA as the opening theme song,” Juri said, waving at the camera – playing along with the Storadi until the end. Behind him, Shin was laughing loudly at something Kochi said to Jesse, chaos resumed. The filming ended with no final say on Kyomo and Hokuto’s relationship, each member thinking it’s probably best that they leave it at that. Besides, they’ve all got along so well these past few years. 

It’s another case best left to everyone’s imagination. 

\--

**_Juri, 10:50 PM_ **

Juri was the first to leave and got cheers from Jesse and Shin as he left the dressing room. A rare occasion. He just got a text message from Fuma inviting him for dinner nearby. Looking at his phone, he saw the location and saw that it was just three blocks away from their building. 

Walking the familiar streets on this cold night, Juri had time for himself to think about the past few days. The fast pace of SixTONES lately, everyone’s individual projects, and of course, today’s random filming. After that Storadi they didn’t even plan to release, they brainstormed on next week’s video – probably another commentary for their TrackONE -IMPACT- concert. 

As he rounded the corner from the 7 Eleven they frequent, he picked up the pace since it was getting too cold. This street is usually empty at this time so Juri squinted, seeing figures in front of him. Thinking his eyes are playing tricks on him, he walked a bit faster and stopped when he saw the two figures walking in front of him clearly. 

“Is that…?” Juri’s eyes widened when the light struck on a permed black head. His eyes traveled to the man’s companion a few feet shorter. _Am I seeing things?_

“Hokuto and Kyomo?” Covering his mouth, he moved to the far side of the street and followed them. Juri saw that despite the bulky coat and face mask, it was undeniably Kyomo. Hokuto was looking down at him. _Hokuto smiling? Having a conversation with Kyomo?_

Juri felt so out of place even when he’s a few feet away from the pair. It was surreal, nothing he’s seen before at present. Only years back did he see something like this – that was a long time ago. Under the streetlights, Hokuto and Kyomo looked so at ease unlike how they usually are with mixed company. Juri stopped walking and stared. Eyes wide as he saw Hokuto reach out and hold Kyomo’s hand. 

“So it’s like that, huh?” 

Juri wasn’t sure what to do with what he just saw. Today was a lot to process and piecing together what happened at Storadi was cutting it close. He crossed his arms and shivered, watching the pair walk farther – nearing the Ramen restaurant he just recommended to Hokuto. Juri smiled. 

“I guess we’ll have to remain detectives when it comes to KyomoHoku for a bit longer then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story's officially over but that " ? " mark remains on the number of chapters just bec - Hehehe Hope we'll all meet again! +++ Staying true as a Juritan. I had to do it. It has to be my bb!! Hahaha!
> 
> I'm temporarily leaving behind late night walks, streetlights, and cherished memories. 
> 
> Now I have visions of summer breeze, a ghost in an attic, second chances, and candlelight stories. I'm excited to pen this so am off to another journey! Thank you so much for reading this far~


End file.
